Sweet ecstasy
Ending in
Morbid fantasy
-2am thoughts
Friday, March 13, 2015
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Dear Friend,
I honestly have been better.
But today the clouds are rolling in again.
I don't know...
I'm currently in the restroom; I locked myself in the last cubicle and cried. Right now, I'm writing to you and I don't even know what about.
I have this horrible pang in my heart. It is screaming multiple times, saying "YOU ARE STUPID" again and again.
Maybe I am stupid and lazy and fugly.
I don't really know what important thing I have been up to lately. Just keeping afloat I guess.
We just finished a test in foreign language and my brain wants to fall off. Part of me wants to look for a psychiatrist, fast. But another part of me wants to feel depressed all the time. I have cried again and again without knowing why. But now I think I know why... It's because I'm stupid. Like really stupid.
I hear my classmates and they are laughing and talking of wonderful things, but I feel as though I have been left out. Left out of life.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Dear Friend,
My heart pounds heavily.
I whisper, I am better now.
I honestly am.
I am healing and the scars on my thighs and wrists are fading.
I got through this.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry but I have stopped cutting.
It's amazing.
It's a different feeling.
The feeling of self control.
Everything honestly gets better.
Do not give up.
I fought my demons off, it took a while but I did.
And I won.
I'm still alive.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
I whisper, I am better now.
I honestly am.
I am healing and the scars on my thighs and wrists are fading.
I got through this.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry but I have stopped cutting.
It's amazing.
It's a different feeling.
The feeling of self control.
Everything honestly gets better.
Do not give up.
I fought my demons off, it took a while but I did.
And I won.
I'm still alive.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
I'm not worth it.
Every day I travel so far and so long.
Looking for something that I know isn't there.
Hope.
I cry at night thinking of how worthless I am.
I don't want to feel this way anymore.
I hope that one day I'd have the courage to do what he did.
To just cut myself till I bleed to death. To jump off a tall building and feel the breeze against my body. Or to point a gun on my head and pull the trigger.
I don't know what I'm scared of anyways I just feel this zeal in my heart that I can't explain.
It stops me when I try to kill myself.
I want to do it quickly and painlessly as much as possible.
I don't know how though...
This world is just not my place.
I don't belong here, you see.
Every single day that I force myself to live is just one more push to the edge.
I am so close to the end yet so far.
Is there something wrong with me?
Thursday, August 14, 2014
I can't keep living like this.
Smiling whenever I know I need to.
I just can't anymore.
I'm sick and tired of everything.
I'm stuck in this hole and no one wants to help me out.
I'm just too messed up to be fixed.
Teacher(s)
Why?
The only question I could ask is why. Why do you judge me like that? I see your eyes, your judgmental eyes. I bite my lips till I taste blood covering my mouth. I'm so ashamed. Please don't judge me like that. You are so ignorant. You are educated but ignorant. You are not fit to be teacher. You shame me till I'd want nothing but to be dead. Everyday I want to go home because of you. You know I am failing, yet you mock me. I'm so ashamed. If I do die, please do not come to my funeral, it will only burden you to do so. You hold the key to my future, yet you chose to throw it away. I work hard yet everything has turned to nothing. I am nothing because of you. You have made me nothing.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The Letter
Today, I cried in school.
I was slapped, but it really didn't hurt.
So Mei, it's not your fault.
It's mine.
Please don't bear guilt in your heart.
It's not your fault, it's mine.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
Mam, I'm sorry I acted without thinking.
I'm really sorry.
I was stupid and immature.
I hope I can make it up to you.
My guilt is filling up and I don't know what to do.
Except to say sorry...
Mam, I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm sorry if you thought I laughed during prayer.
I was nervous.
It was a stutter not a laugh.
I'm sorry if you thought I was disrespectful.
Maybe I am.
And I'm sorry for that.
Today, I cried in school.
I saw their disappointed stares at me.
I'm sorry if I'm a disappointment at home and in school.
I didn't mean to be born this way.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
My grades tell me I flunk.
I'm not worth it.
I'm so stupid.
Everything is just so shitty, and I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm sorry, Kevin, if I have been a burden for so long.
I really hope you find a better friend.
I'm sorry if I wasn't a better friend to you.
I only thought of myself and never thought of what you thought.
You'll always be my bestfriend, don't forget that.
I know I hurt you a lot, I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm really sorry for my friends, that they know someone like me.
Someone who has a shitload of problems, and cuts to get rid of them.
I'm really sorry you have to comfort someone like me.
I know it isn't worth it, and I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I didn't mean to.
I tried to hide it but I can't anymore.
My tears have run out and everything is blurred.
I'm sorry for being like this.
I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm really really sorry.
Please forgive me.
Today, I cried in school.
If ever do anything stupid tonight.
Please forgive me.
I was slapped, but it really didn't hurt.
So Mei, it's not your fault.
It's mine.
Please don't bear guilt in your heart.
It's not your fault, it's mine.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
Mam, I'm sorry I acted without thinking.
I'm really sorry.
I was stupid and immature.
I hope I can make it up to you.
My guilt is filling up and I don't know what to do.
Except to say sorry...
Mam, I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm sorry if you thought I laughed during prayer.
I was nervous.
It was a stutter not a laugh.
I'm sorry if you thought I was disrespectful.
Maybe I am.
And I'm sorry for that.
Today, I cried in school.
I saw their disappointed stares at me.
I'm sorry if I'm a disappointment at home and in school.
I didn't mean to be born this way.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
My grades tell me I flunk.
I'm not worth it.
I'm so stupid.
Everything is just so shitty, and I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm sorry, Kevin, if I have been a burden for so long.
I really hope you find a better friend.
I'm sorry if I wasn't a better friend to you.
I only thought of myself and never thought of what you thought.
You'll always be my bestfriend, don't forget that.
I know I hurt you a lot, I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I'm really sorry for my friends, that they know someone like me.
Someone who has a shitload of problems, and cuts to get rid of them.
I'm really sorry you have to comfort someone like me.
I know it isn't worth it, and I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I'm sorry.
Today, I cried in school.
I didn't mean to.
I tried to hide it but I can't anymore.
My tears have run out and everything is blurred.
I'm sorry for being like this.
I'm really sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I'm really really sorry.
Please forgive me.
Today, I cried in school.
If ever do anything stupid tonight.
Please forgive me.
Dear Friend,
How are you?
I hope you have been better.
I on the other hand have not.
Everything is all wrong.
I feel so defenseless, the pain and the misery is here to stay.
I want to kill the monsters inside me, but I can't.
My cuts are getting bigger and there are now cuts on my thighs.
I've tried screaming, but no one is listening.
So don't you tell me that I didn't try to ask for help.
Because I did tell you that I've started cutting again, if I kill myself tell them the truth...
That this world is corrupt and death was the only way out.
Everyone thinks I'm a failure.
The crack on the street.
A scratch on a polished window.
Everything is just shit now.
My family, my friends, my best friend, everyone is starting to leave and I can't catch up.
I wish I could be gone, just like that.
I pray that everything would get better but nothing is happening.
Everything is still the same...
Your friend,
E.L.E.
I hope you have been better.
I on the other hand have not.
Everything is all wrong.
I feel so defenseless, the pain and the misery is here to stay.
I want to kill the monsters inside me, but I can't.
My cuts are getting bigger and there are now cuts on my thighs.
I've tried screaming, but no one is listening.
So don't you tell me that I didn't try to ask for help.
Because I did tell you that I've started cutting again, if I kill myself tell them the truth...
That this world is corrupt and death was the only way out.
Everyone thinks I'm a failure.
The crack on the street.
A scratch on a polished window.
Everything is just shit now.
My family, my friends, my best friend, everyone is starting to leave and I can't catch up.
I wish I could be gone, just like that.
I pray that everything would get better but nothing is happening.
Everything is still the same...
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Dear Friend,
The reason I haven't written in a while is because I thought things would get better, and they did. For a while.
I thought that things would be great after the storm, but the storm came back and I honestly don't know what to do.
I stopped cutting but I started bruising myself. Above my cuts, bruises are all I see. I honestly am so lost.
I really didn't want to get attached but I did, and I thought about what would happen in the future and I just started breaking down again.
I remember saying, "Everything is so fucked up. " again and again, till I fell asleep.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm in so much pain.
My tears have run out and I've started cutting my thights.
It's stupid, I know.
I really thought everything would be different but it's not.
I just thought that my thighs would have more space to cut, since I'm fat and everything.
Oh yeah, by the way.
Everyone around have stopped eating.
When my two of my best friends stopped eating, that I could take.
But now, EVERYONE stopped eating.
I've started sticking my fingers into my throat now.
I don't do it constantly instead when I'm hungry I drink water, but I still get called fat.
I don't know what else to do to lose all this weight.
I just want to be beautiful, like everyone else is.
Is that too much to ask?
I want to cut again and again.
I just can't take anymore of this...
I'm so sick of everything.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
I thought that things would be great after the storm, but the storm came back and I honestly don't know what to do.
I stopped cutting but I started bruising myself. Above my cuts, bruises are all I see. I honestly am so lost.
I really didn't want to get attached but I did, and I thought about what would happen in the future and I just started breaking down again.
I remember saying, "Everything is so fucked up. " again and again, till I fell asleep.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm in so much pain.
My tears have run out and I've started cutting my thights.
It's stupid, I know.
I really thought everything would be different but it's not.
I just thought that my thighs would have more space to cut, since I'm fat and everything.
Oh yeah, by the way.
Everyone around have stopped eating.
When my two of my best friends stopped eating, that I could take.
But now, EVERYONE stopped eating.
I've started sticking my fingers into my throat now.
I don't do it constantly instead when I'm hungry I drink water, but I still get called fat.
I don't know what else to do to lose all this weight.
I just want to be beautiful, like everyone else is.
Is that too much to ask?
I want to cut again and again.
I just can't take anymore of this...
I'm so sick of everything.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Dear Friend,
I've sick for a few days now.
I'm still not better...
Turns out I have lumps in my throat.
The doctor says I have to get an x-ray soon, I hope that it won't be anything serious.
I'm sorry I haven't written anything for the past few days...
I hope you are well.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
I'm still not better...
Turns out I have lumps in my throat.
The doctor says I have to get an x-ray soon, I hope that it won't be anything serious.
I'm sorry I haven't written anything for the past few days...
I hope you are well.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Dear Friend,
How are you?
I hope you are doing better, as am I.
Tomorrow I will be going back to school, I hope I could hide my scars from them.
I have 10 new scars and a bruise on my hand.
I'm a mess right now.
Yes, it is midnight and my thoughts have drifted away again.
I guess I'll be crying myself tonight as well.
My nights are getting worse.
My mom told me I should stop watching depressing movies, sadly they are the only ones I could relate with.
I'm getting worse and worse everyday and it just generally sucks.
I can't stand on my feet and everything is just bad right now.
I'll get better soon.
I hope.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
I hope you are doing better, as am I.
Tomorrow I will be going back to school, I hope I could hide my scars from them.
I have 10 new scars and a bruise on my hand.
I'm a mess right now.
Yes, it is midnight and my thoughts have drifted away again.
I guess I'll be crying myself tonight as well.
My nights are getting worse.
My mom told me I should stop watching depressing movies, sadly they are the only ones I could relate with.
I'm getting worse and worse everyday and it just generally sucks.
I can't stand on my feet and everything is just bad right now.
I'll get better soon.
I hope.
Your friend,
E.L.E.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Dear Friend,
I just finished watching The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and I figured, I would write to you too who knows it might make me feel better.
GoodMorning Afternoon.
It's really weird because lately I don't even look out my window anymore.
I rarely know what time it is and I don't stand up from my computer chair anymore, I just sit here and stare at my computer.
I'm worse than before.
I've been gone from school for two days now.
People aren't worried about me, you know, they just want to know what happened so they could have something to tell their friends the next day.
I've lost hope and the faith to live.
I can't keep track of time and everything has just turned to crap.
I honestly cannot take one more day of 'smiling'.
I just can't pretend to be something I am not.
I'm not happy okay? I never am and never will be.
I'm currently reading Les Miserables.
It's for my book report, and yes I chose it.
The Miserable's, interesting title huh?
It's a really good book.
It is about a man who goes to jail for stealing bread and a man who is obsessed with justice that he follows this man until the end. Through out the story there are sub-plots and the story ends with a whole lot of deaths.
I want to send you a copy...
If I do, please make sure you read it with precision and emotion.
Inhale the words with your eyes, drink the emotions with your heart.
Anyways, I hope you are well.
Expect a few letters from me soon.
Your companion,
E. L. E.
Good
It's really weird because lately I don't even look out my window anymore.
I rarely know what time it is and I don't stand up from my computer chair anymore, I just sit here and stare at my computer.
I'm worse than before.
I've been gone from school for two days now.
People aren't worried about me, you know, they just want to know what happened so they could have something to tell their friends the next day.
I've lost hope and the faith to live.
I can't keep track of time and everything has just turned to crap.
I honestly cannot take one more day of 'smiling'.
I just can't pretend to be something I am not.
I'm not happy okay? I never am and never will be.
I'm currently reading Les Miserables.
It's for my book report, and yes I chose it.
The Miserable's, interesting title huh?
It's a really good book.
It is about a man who goes to jail for stealing bread and a man who is obsessed with justice that he follows this man until the end. Through out the story there are sub-plots and the story ends with a whole lot of deaths.
I want to send you a copy...
If I do, please make sure you read it with precision and emotion.
Inhale the words with your eyes, drink the emotions with your heart.
Anyways, I hope you are well.
Expect a few letters from me soon.
Your companion,
E. L. E.
Stuck
I stayed home today too.
I feel sick to my stomach when I remember I have to go back to school.
The people sicken me.
No one likes me there anyway.
I hate school.
My thoughts are caged and my mind is forced to memorize formulas and derivations.
My mind is broader than that.
I want to study politics and how the world works, not mathematics and chemistry.
I just want to be free from the chains that bind me to the ground.
I know I have to go back on Monday.
Fuck everything.
No one knows how much pain I go through.
I ask myself.
Why? Why am I the only one who feels this way?
I look around and I see normal people.
Everyone seems so different from me.
They all seem so stable.
While here I am, a mess.
I haven't stopped crying myself to sleep, hoping nobody else hears.
I don't know what else to do.
I'm stuck.
I feel sick to my stomach when I remember I have to go back to school.
The people sicken me.
No one likes me there anyway.
I hate school.
My thoughts are caged and my mind is forced to memorize formulas and derivations.
My mind is broader than that.
I want to study politics and how the world works, not mathematics and chemistry.
I just want to be free from the chains that bind me to the ground.
I know I have to go back on Monday.
Fuck everything.
No one knows how much pain I go through.
I ask myself.
Why? Why am I the only one who feels this way?
I look around and I see normal people.
Everyone seems so different from me.
They all seem so stable.
While here I am, a mess.
I haven't stopped crying myself to sleep, hoping nobody else hears.
I don't know what else to do.
I'm stuck.
Friday, July 11, 2014
[MP3 LINK] The Letter, Game Over, The Darker Side by Jimmy Donn
I know how difficult it is to find downloads of Jimmy Donn's songs.
http://www.4shared.com/mp3/k-RzYPftba/Jimmy_Donn_The_letter_game_ove.html
http://www.4shared.com/mp3/k-RzYPftba/Jimmy_Donn_The_letter_game_ove.html
Thursday, July 10, 2014
How My Day Went...
I'm going to tell you guys about my day...
(lol, as you can imagine it is going to be depressing, but it isn't that sad)
We had our class ceremony, in which our whole batch was in. So, our speaker was a really old lady, she was a Spanish teacher, in her early 80's. She was really slow and she has a really small build. Her hair was glistening white and she wore those old large framed glasses. She started speaking, and she spoke slowly, letting the words roll out her lips. Her slowness eventually was entertainment for the other class so suddenly everyone started laughing. Loud chuckles, and small giggles. Obviously, it pissed her off, but in her age, I guess she would have had enough patience to let it go. Again, after a few minutes, I heard loud chuckles and giggles. She let it go, AGAIN.
I am really pissed about this, because personally, I really do have high respect for people who are older than me.
Especially, those above 60.
It's kind of a tearjerker for me, when I see them having a hard time I kind of cry. (it's weird, i know.)
I just thought of how downhill the respect this generation has for older people, and it kind of enrages me.
Think of your own grandparents, and your own family, going through that. In front of a large amount of people.
What kind of heartless assholes are you?
I am so ashamed to be in the same school as you are.
Do you know how petrifying that was for me to watch?
Do you know how disrespectful that was?
To laugh at someone like that?
In a few years, you will probably not remember this day.
The day you made fun of an old lady.
But I will, this day will be stamped in my heart.
I will always remember the day, I approached that old lady on her way home, and apologized for the immaturity of my batch mates. She simply told me, "I've been teaching in this school for so long, I rarely get mad anymore, but thank you. Thank you." I smiled and quickly turned my head around, because my tears were starting to fall.
(lol, as you can imagine it is going to be depressing, but it isn't that sad)
We had our class ceremony, in which our whole batch was in. So, our speaker was a really old lady, she was a Spanish teacher, in her early 80's. She was really slow and she has a really small build. Her hair was glistening white and she wore those old large framed glasses. She started speaking, and she spoke slowly, letting the words roll out her lips. Her slowness eventually was entertainment for the other class so suddenly everyone started laughing. Loud chuckles, and small giggles. Obviously, it pissed her off, but in her age, I guess she would have had enough patience to let it go. Again, after a few minutes, I heard loud chuckles and giggles. She let it go, AGAIN.
I am really pissed about this, because personally, I really do have high respect for people who are older than me.
Especially, those above 60.
It's kind of a tearjerker for me, when I see them having a hard time I kind of cry. (it's weird, i know.)
I just thought of how downhill the respect this generation has for older people, and it kind of enrages me.
Think of your own grandparents, and your own family, going through that. In front of a large amount of people.
What kind of heartless assholes are you?
I am so ashamed to be in the same school as you are.
Do you know how petrifying that was for me to watch?
Do you know how disrespectful that was?
To laugh at someone like that?
In a few years, you will probably not remember this day.
The day you made fun of an old lady.
But I will, this day will be stamped in my heart.
I will always remember the day, I approached that old lady on her way home, and apologized for the immaturity of my batch mates. She simply told me, "I've been teaching in this school for so long, I rarely get mad anymore, but thank you. Thank you." I smiled and quickly turned my head around, because my tears were starting to fall.
[Personal Post]
I honestly cannot count how many times I have thought of myself dead.
I honestly cannot think of anymore things to keep me alive.
I honestly would kill myself if I could.
I honestly want to just give up.
Killing myself is the easiest way out as of now.
Everything is a big blur.
I can't go on anymore.
But my family is there and basically that is the only thing that keeps me going.
I have no friends, not anymore.
Today, I realized how replaceable I am.
I just can't stop thinking about death.
I'm not afraid of death itself, but I am afraid that I might miss a lot on life.
I mean my life is fucked up as it is.
But who knows everything might get better.
Today, I got pulled by the arm.
It hurts.
Today, I got screamed at by one of my bestfriends.
I, honestly, deserve it.
I fucked up, everything is just seriously fucked up.
I don't know how long I can go on.
My hand is slipping and I am about to fall.
I honestly cannot think of anymore things to keep me alive.
I honestly would kill myself if I could.
I honestly want to just give up.
Killing myself is the easiest way out as of now.
Everything is a big blur.
I can't go on anymore.
But my family is there and basically that is the only thing that keeps me going.
I have no friends, not anymore.
Today, I realized how replaceable I am.
I just can't stop thinking about death.
I'm not afraid of death itself, but I am afraid that I might miss a lot on life.
I mean my life is fucked up as it is.
But who knows everything might get better.
Today, I got pulled by the arm.
It hurts.
Today, I got screamed at by one of my bestfriends.
I, honestly, deserve it.
I fucked up, everything is just seriously fucked up.
I don't know how long I can go on.
My hand is slipping and I am about to fall.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
There are actually people who go to my blog?
Okay, so for the first time ever, I checked my stats.
It turns out people are looking at my blog!
I apologize profusely for the very personal posts.
But this is just so exciting!
Anyways, if you have any thoughts or things, you'd like to share, feel free to comment!
It turns out people are looking at my blog!
I apologize profusely for the very personal posts.
But this is just so exciting!
Anyways, if you have any thoughts or things, you'd like to share, feel free to comment!
I've been watching independent films for a really long time now, and lately I've been addicted to a subsection of indie films. Violent films. Not exactly violent.
We Need To Talk About Kevin
This movie did not only feature one of my favorite actor, he acted superbly as well.
The ending was awesome, and everything just kind of fit together.
I fell in love with the movie, the first time I watched it.
O
O, made me cry.
I'm going to read Othello soon, since it was based on that book.
It was a really nice movie.
By the end, I was pissed and ready was ready to rage.
Lol, I have more movies to tell you guys, but I'm pretty drained, so... See you all soon.
We Need To Talk About Kevin
This movie did not only feature one of my favorite actor, he acted superbly as well.
The ending was awesome, and everything just kind of fit together.
I fell in love with the movie, the first time I watched it.
O
O, made me cry.
I'm going to read Othello soon, since it was based on that book.
It was a really nice movie.
By the end, I was pissed and ready was ready to rage.
Lol, I have more movies to tell you guys, but I'm pretty drained, so... See you all soon.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Philippines: Lost in Corruption and Poverty
Bakit kayo nag mamakamangmang sa mga bobong politiko?
Kaya iniimbistigahan ng Sandiganbayan ang mga kurakot na yun ay dahil ang publiko ay pinapanood sila.
It would be the 'moral' thing to do.
Yes, DJ Mo might have stepped off the line a little bit, pero to show off your lavish lifestyle in the midst of the astounding poverty in the Philippines, is stupid and insensitive.
This is why I absolutely hate politics, it enrages me.
Taxes are supposed to be given to the poor, not to make the rich richer.
I guarantee you, when the public turns their heads to another political problem, the politicians will be back in their positions.
Kaya lang naman binabantayan sila ngayon ay dahil pinapanood sila ng publiko.
Nagpapakatanga tayo sa mga hampas-lupang magnanakaw na yan.
Kaya iniimbistigahan ng Sandiganbayan ang mga kurakot na yun ay dahil ang publiko ay pinapanood sila.
It would be the 'moral' thing to do.
Yes, DJ Mo might have stepped off the line a little bit, pero to show off your lavish lifestyle in the midst of the astounding poverty in the Philippines, is stupid and insensitive.
This is why I absolutely hate politics, it enrages me.
Taxes are supposed to be given to the poor, not to make the rich richer.
I guarantee you, when the public turns their heads to another political problem, the politicians will be back in their positions.
Kaya lang naman binabantayan sila ngayon ay dahil pinapanood sila ng publiko.
Nagpapakatanga tayo sa mga hampas-lupang magnanakaw na yan.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
[Personal Post]
I want to cry, but I seem to have lost my tears.
I don't think I can take one more day.
I keep pushing myself, but I just can't.
My heart is slowly starting to die.
I'm afraid, you see.
If I wasn't I would have killed myself already.
I can't take anymore of this.
I don't understand why I'm so different.
I ask God why I am like this.
My classmates are normal and they have stable emotions.
While I don't.
I'm not asking for much, I just want to be like everyone else.
I have a theory.
Those who are pretty and/or thin get everything.
But, those who are ugly and/or fat get nothing.
I'm both ugly and fat so what does that make me.
Don't try telling me otherwise, just to make yourself feel better.
I tried telling myself how pretty and important I am.
You guys proved me wrong.
I actually have you guys to thank for that.
I'm so sick and tired of being tormented in my personal hell.
I'm fighting, but I can't take it anymore.
I don't think I can take one more day.
I keep pushing myself, but I just can't.
My heart is slowly starting to die.
I'm afraid, you see.
If I wasn't I would have killed myself already.
I can't take anymore of this.
I don't understand why I'm so different.
I ask God why I am like this.
My classmates are normal and they have stable emotions.
While I don't.
I'm not asking for much, I just want to be like everyone else.
I have a theory.
Those who are pretty and/or thin get everything.
But, those who are ugly and/or fat get nothing.
I'm both ugly and fat so what does that make me.
Don't try telling me otherwise, just to make yourself feel better.
I tried telling myself how pretty and important I am.
You guys proved me wrong.
I actually have you guys to thank for that.
I'm so sick and tired of being tormented in my personal hell.
I'm fighting, but I can't take it anymore.