Dear Friend,

I honestly have been better.

But today the clouds are rolling in again.

I don't know...

I'm currently in the restroom; I locked myself in the last cubicle and cried. Right now, I'm writing to you and I don't even know what about.

I have this horrible pang in my heart. It is screaming multiple times, saying "YOU ARE STUPID" again and again.

Maybe I am stupid and lazy and fugly.

I don't really know what important thing I have been up to lately. Just keeping afloat I guess.

We just finished a test in foreign language and my brain wants to fall off. Part of me wants to look for a psychiatrist, fast. But another part of me wants to feel depressed all the time. I have cried again and again without knowing why. But now I think I know why... It's because I'm stupid. Like really stupid.

I hear my classmates and they are laughing and talking of wonderful things, but I feel as though I have been left out. Left out of life. 

Your friend,

E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

My heart pounds heavily.
I whisper, I am better now.
I honestly am.
I am healing and the scars on my thighs and wrists are fading.
I got through this.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry but I have stopped cutting.
It's amazing.
It's a different feeling.
The feeling of self control.
Everything honestly gets better.
Do not give up.
I fought my demons off, it took a while but I did.
And I won.
I'm still alive.

Your friend, 
E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

How are you?
I hope you have been better.

I on the other hand have not.
Everything is all wrong.
I feel so defenseless, the pain and the misery is here to stay.
I want to kill the monsters inside me, but I can't. 
My cuts are getting bigger and there are now cuts on my thighs.
I've tried screaming, but no one is listening.
So don't you tell me that I didn't try to ask for help.
Because I did tell you that I've started cutting again, if I kill myself tell them the truth...
That this world is corrupt and death was the only way out.

Everyone thinks I'm a failure.
The crack on the street.
A scratch on a polished window.
Everything is just shit now.

My family, my friends, my best friend, everyone is starting to leave and I can't catch up.
I wish I could be gone, just like that. 

I pray that everything would get better but nothing is happening.
Everything is still the same...

Your friend,
E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

The reason I haven't written in a while is because I thought things would get better, and they did. For a while.
I thought that things would be great after the storm, but the storm came back and I honestly don't know what to do.
I stopped cutting but I started bruising myself. Above my cuts, bruises are all I see. I honestly am so lost.
I really didn't want to get attached but I did, and I thought about what would happen in the future and I just started breaking down again. 
I remember saying, "Everything is so fucked up. " again and again, till I fell asleep.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm in so much pain.
My tears have run out and I've started cutting my thights.
It's stupid, I know.
I really thought everything would be different but it's not.
I just thought that my thighs would have more space to cut, since I'm fat and everything. 

Oh yeah, by the way.
Everyone around have stopped eating.
When my two of my best friends stopped eating, that I could take. 
But now, EVERYONE stopped eating.
I've started sticking my fingers into my throat now.
I don't do it constantly instead when I'm hungry I drink water, but I still get called fat.
I don't know what else to do to lose all this weight.
I just want to be beautiful, like everyone else is. 
Is that too much to ask?

I want to cut again and again.
I just can't take anymore of this...
I'm so sick of everything.  

Your friend,
E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

I've sick for a few days now.
I'm still not better...
Turns out I have lumps in my throat.
The doctor says I have to get an x-ray soon, I hope that it won't be anything serious.
I'm sorry I haven't written anything for the past few days...
I hope you are well.

Your friend,
E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

How are you?

I hope you are doing better, as am I.
Tomorrow I will be going back to school, I hope I could hide my scars from them.
I have 10 new scars and a bruise on my hand.
I'm a mess right now.
Yes, it is midnight and my thoughts have drifted away again.
I guess I'll be crying myself tonight as well.
My nights are getting worse.
My mom told me I should stop watching depressing movies, sadly they are the only ones I could relate with.
I'm getting worse and worse everyday and it just generally sucks.
I can't stand on my feet and everything is just bad right now.

I'll get better soon.
I hope.

Your friend,
E.L.E.

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Dear Friend,

I just finished watching The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and I figured, I would write to you too who knows it might make me feel better.

Good Morning Afternoon.
It's really weird because lately I don't even look out my window anymore.
I rarely know what time it is and I don't stand up from my computer chair anymore, I just sit here and stare at my computer.
I'm worse than before.
I've been gone from school for two days now.
People aren't worried about me, you know, they just want to know what happened so they could have something to tell their friends the next day.
I've lost hope and the faith to live.
I can't keep track of time and everything has just turned to crap.
I honestly cannot take one more day of 'smiling'.
I just can't pretend to be something I am not.
I'm not happy okay? I never am and never will be.

I'm currently reading Les Miserables.
It's for my book report, and yes I chose it.
The Miserable's, interesting title huh?
It's a really good book.
It is about a man who goes to jail for stealing bread and a man who is obsessed with justice that he follows this man until the end. Through out the story there are sub-plots and the story ends with a whole lot of deaths.
I want to send you a copy...
If I do, please make sure you read it with precision and emotion.
Inhale the words with your eyes, drink the emotions with your heart.

Anyways, I hope you are well.
Expect a few letters from me soon.

Your companion,
E. L. E.

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