There are actually people who go to my blog?

Okay, so for the first time ever, I checked my stats.
It turns out people are looking at my blog!
I apologize profusely for the very personal posts.
But this is just so exciting!

Anyways, if you have any thoughts or things, you'd like to share, feel free to comment!

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I've been watching independent films for a really long time now, and lately I've been addicted to a subsection of indie films. Violent films. Not exactly violent.

We Need To Talk About Kevin
This movie did not only feature one of my favorite actor, he acted superbly as well.
The ending was awesome, and everything just kind of fit together.
I fell in love with the movie, the first time I watched it.

O
O, made me cry. 
I'm going to read Othello soon, since it was based on that book.
It was a really nice movie.
By the end, I was pissed and ready was ready to rage.

Lol, I have more movies to tell you guys, but I'm pretty drained, so... See you all soon.

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Philippines: Lost in Corruption and Poverty

Bakit kayo nag mamakamangmang sa mga bobong politiko?
Kaya iniimbistigahan ng Sandiganbayan ang mga kurakot na yun ay dahil ang publiko ay pinapanood sila.
It would be the 'moral' thing to do.

Yes, DJ Mo might have stepped off the line a little bit, pero to show off your lavish lifestyle in the midst of the astounding poverty in the Philippines, is stupid and insensitive.
This is why I absolutely hate politics, it enrages me.
Taxes are supposed to be given to the poor, not to make the rich richer.

I guarantee you, when the public turns their heads to another political problem, the politicians will be back in their positions.
Kaya lang naman binabantayan sila ngayon ay dahil pinapanood sila ng publiko.
Nagpapakatanga tayo sa mga hampas-lupang magnanakaw na yan. 

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Mistakes Of Humanity.

We are all mistakes of humanity.
We feel too little and judge too much.
We use words against each other, rather than use words to comfort one another.
We make utilities for war, to stop the war.
We are all imbeciles, don't you see?
We are mistakes.
The only words in our vocabulary are hate, conflict, and war.
We take advantage of others misfortunes, and use money to control humanity.
We are robots. We have no hearts.
We have made a government.
A group of men meant to lead society to progress, but they mislead the nation instead.
Children are born with debt in their hands.
Poverty and famine are the new trends.
Countries, one by one, are killing each other off.
Instead of helping each other, we discriminate and hate.
We are impotent human beings.
We teach children of peace and love, but they are born into a world of war and indifference.

Our minds are being controlled by the media.
When the television says buy this, you buy it.
When the television says eat this, you eat it.
When the television says you need this, you start needing it.
When the television says hate this, you hate it.
When the television says be a slave, you become a slave.
Just for the sake of conformity.

Why can't we all be different and still belong?
Why do we have to leave people out?
Why do we judge too much?
Why are our hearts filled with hate that there is no more room for love?
 

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Worse.

Everything is getting worse.

Today, I saw myself die.
I had an epiphany. Dejavu, if you must.
Dream, vision, realization or any other synonyms you could think of. 

But anyways, today I saw myself die.
I saw myself get jack-hammered to death.
I saw my pale face and my cold eyes.
I saw the dry blood, that earlier ran through my body to the broken pavement where I lie.
I saw the way my legs were positioned when it hit me. Bended, like I wanted to run away.
It hit me right below my heart was supposed to be and above where my lungs were placed.
My lips were agape, as if something incredible was happening.
But it wasn't a special occasion.
It was just my death.

The weird thing is I wasn't really afraid.
I wasn't scared at all of dying.
I don't know why.
The fear faded away.
Like my life was yesterday.

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Oh, the night time blues.

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6/27/14

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Unattached

I don't like getting attached.
Because once I do, it's really hard to get unattached.

My best friend is one of those people you could call insensitive.
A cool combination, huh?
The overly-sensitive me and my overly-insensitive best friend.
He is very very very immature.
I am not kidding. He has the mental age of a kid.
Which is awesome because I have the mental mind of an adult.
What can I say, maybe opposites do attract.
 
Every time I'm with him I feel like a kid.
Like I have absolutely no problems, at all.

The problem is I think I might have become way too attached to him.
I'm scared that one day when he leaves, I'll have no one to REALLY talk to.

Everyone thinks I'm so excited about the future, but no, I just appear to be.

Honestly, I'm so afraid.

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Compliments

Honestly, compliments freak me out.
I literally don't know how to take a compliment.
It isn't a humility thing, I just really don't see myself worth much.
So when people tell me things like..
'You're cute/pretty.'
I will automatically assume they are being sarcastic and reply with a very awkward smile.
So if you are one of the people that have been victimized by my unusual awkwardness, I apologize.

Simple things like, a guy smiling at me or anyone smiling at me.
Will make me assume I look like shit and everyone is laughing at me.

Maybe it is just the way my brain is wired.
To never learn to take compliments.
So to the guy I was chatting with on chatroulette, I'm sorry I disconnected.
When you called me sexy I was aghast, but then I felt insecure.
But thanks anyways, random guy from United States, VA.
You made my day.

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It's 1AM again.

I've been so preoccupied.
I can't even sleep anymore.
Anyways, tomorrow is the first day of class.

I'm so scared of what everyone will think of me.
I can see it now...
Their thoughts in bubbles above their heads, like those you see in comics.
'She gained weight.'
'Dang, fattie. Lose some weight.'
'Look at that whale.'

Everything is a blur, but I can hear laughing and mocking.
Judgmental eyes.
Gossiping tongues.

I don't want to go to school.
It's way too hard.

The teachers teach you what you don't need to learn.
Why don't they teach stuff like taxes, terrorism, economy recession, etc?
The things that you will actually use in life.

I hate the educational system.

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Creating a Gender Equilibrium

Modern day, male standards are way too damn high.
It's stupid for a man to require a woman to have a certain quality, before he starts dating her.
That's a double standard.

Speaking of double standards...
Why can men be assholes and when women act like bitches everyone loses their minds?
Why can men be overweight but, when women start eating more, everyone suddenly notices?
Why can men be 'blunt' and when women start speaking up, they are considered bossy?
Why is being naughty okay for boys (kids), but when girls start to act up, they have to act like a lady?
Why is it okay for guys to swear, but when girls do it, they are 'unladylike'?
Why is it cool for guys to randomly sleep with different girls, but a disgrace for women to do the same?

This is from FeatherDie on reddit.com

Right on about this stuff. With men I see a lot of, "He's a hard-ass, but he gets the job done and he's a good guy." and with women you just get, "She's a bitch.". She most likely gets the job done too, but nobody cares because she's not bending over backwards to be polite.

Boys will not be boys.
Boys are supposed to become men.
They aren't supposed to retain their immaturity.

Gender equality is a big thing.
Educate yourself on it.

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[Personal Post]

It's astounding, isn't it?
How you can give your whole heart to someone and suddenly they throw it and break it like it's worth nothing.
Makes me feel like I'm worth nothing.
It's so stupid how affected I still am.

I feel like crying and just giving up all the same time.
I know no one reads my stupid blog, it's just one of those things that are meant to be written but never read.
I just feel better, typing everything out.

I feel shitty today. You know why?
Just cause...
Everything is just plain shitty.

Like I know where I'm headed but still everything seems so foggy and I don't know which way to go.
I'm lost and no one's there to help me.

I'm sorry, I'm a lost cause.

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Swag, WTF

Today, people piss me off more than usual, and that is weird cause I stayed home the whole day. 

Funny how little things can tick you off.

Okay, I just want to put this out there, but it's amazing how profoundly irrelevant some kids younger than I am can be. (Believe me, I'm not that old myself) I mean seriously, they've got boyfriends coming and going. When I was their age I couldn't even talk to the boy I liked. They have almost everything they could ask for, yet they turn out to be such brats. A kid in 7th grade, once showed me his middle finger and when I asked him if he knew what it meant, he smiled and said 'fuck.' and ran away. (I wanted to chase that little kid, but I was afraid I might look like a total lunatic.) 

You know what, maybe it's the way this generation welcomed those kids. With all the violence and foul words on TV, the way children are raised these days are different to how I/we was/were raised. I mean, they are surrounded by technology and modernization. While we were given, time and patience.

So yeah...
But the next time a kid comes up to me and swears at me, I swear, I'm going to...

Buy that kid a lollipop and have a good long talk.

These are some pictures I found while lurking on tumblr.

 

What is this swag you speak of?

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#Selfie Generation

I came across this post saying, taking selfies means that you are a narcissist.

Narcissism: the pursuit of gratification from vanity, or egotistic admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, that derive from arrogant pride. 
 
This is absolutely outrageous. 

Taking a selfie, doesn't make you a less person than you already are.
Taking a selfie, doesn't mean you are egotistic and vain.
Taking a selfie is capturing all those beautiful moments. (With your face at an arms length)
It won't make you a different person, not a better person, not a worse one.
Do not generalize our generation, because we chose to be unique.
True, the funeral selfies are a bit much, but yeah...

Anyways, here are some selfie's I have found...

(1887, Vincent van Gogh pained a picture of himself wearing a straw hat)

 

(1914, yes this was Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna of Russia the daughter of Nicholas II)

(1839, by photography pioneer, Robert Cornelius)

(This one is from Gunner Thomas Charles Richmond Baker in 1917, he died a year after in Belgium.)

Some selfies, we're taken to commemorate men who joined the war. Just in case, they don't make it back, at least their families would have something to remember them by.

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